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Vocation

A few nights ago I attended a banquet held by my employer to thank me and some of my fellow employees for our loyalty and service. It was a celebration of our longevity and commitment to serving the community. I work at a local hospital as a nurse, and I have worked there for 30 (!!!) years.

It wasn’t meant to be a career. At the time I had just turned 16, and I was thinking about a summer job. My mother was a LPN at the local hospital, and had heard about a desperate need for CNA’S. Apparently, they were in such short supply in our area in 1988, that the hospital came up with a program that would train 10 high school students for free, if we agreed to work full-time for the summer. I had no aspirations to be a nurse, and I abhorred the idea of assisting anyone, least of all a nurse, but it was either that or continue babysitting and since I’m not a “sitter” at all, I ended up spending the entire time playing with the kids, which made me in hot demand, but completely burned me out. Then, there was the matter of the inconsistent paycheck; 20 bucks from a doctor and her stay at home husband for a few hours while the kids slept, VS 5 measly ones to be up until 1am with a screaming Mimi in a filthy house. Thus, the 3.35 an hour WITH night differential, was a clear winner, even if it meant being a nurse’s assistant–a certified one at that.

So, every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon after school, and all day Saturday, from February until June, I learned how to care for patients. I learned how to take vital signs, and the proper way to write them down (that’s TPR for you younger nurses, not all scattered about like some do today, so that you have announce the respiratory rate, instead of just doing it in order!), make beds you could bounce a quarter off of, and how to give bedbaths, while preserving modesty (theirs), and without embarrassment (mine). I was taught everything I needed to know except for one thing… how to literally walk into someone bedroom and assist them with all manner of basic human needs, all while chattering about the weather or last night’s ballgame, like it’s nothing. I remember the first day of work, walking up and down that long hallway trying to summon the courage to walk in to a patient’s room and ask them if they’d “like to wash up for breakfast?”  I finally did, and continued on from there; working days, evenings and nights the summer I was 16, then all of my junior and senior years of high school, and even after I graduated. I wasn’t ready to go to college yet; I’d was pretty wrapped up with a certain bad boy from Lewiston at the time (LOL!) and back then there wasn’t the same push to go to college right after high school ready or not; thank God, because I wasn’t ready, although I had plenty more to learn.

I found that I really enjoyed helping people, not the nurses so much, because many, many times I thought to myself that I could do a better job than some of the nurses, but the people in need; people who were hurting. It was truly a pleasure to wash and rub the back of the old farmer who had gotten run over by his own tractor and had been stuck in a hospital bed in traction for months, because it made him feel so much better. I loved making their beds fresh and wrinkle free, and helping the older lady, so debilitated and weary from a severe stroke, and hearing her sigh with relief and pleasure as she sunk into the clean bed.  Awkwardness? I got over that really fast, caring for a 23-year-old man who had been nearly killed in a motorcycle accident and was bedbound and nearly immobile for weeks in traction. At that time, it was not uncommon for patients to be in the hospital for weeks, especially when traction was involved. My, how things have changed.

I liked taking patients outside for “fresh air,” (I brought my own “fresh air” out with me on those occasions, and yes, I quit years ago!). I liked feeding the ones who could not feed themselves; I’d put lots of butter, salt and pepper on their potatoes, and sugar and cream on their oatmeal just how I like it, and felt as proud as a mother when they ate it all, especially when the patient’s sweet little wife came in to visit, just as I was wiping her husband’s mouth and exclaim, “that’s wonderful dear! He hasn’t eaten that well in weeks! Thank you for taking such good care of him for me.” I glowed with pride, as I did when I walked by my assigned rooms and admired how tidy they were, everything neat and inviting, and how clean and comfortable my patients looked.

I learned tricks along the way too; getting someone to suck on a straw, when they couldn’t even open their mouths. I learned how to shave a mans face, with an electric and a disposable razor, wich is a tricky business when the skin is loose, and the angles are sharp. I learned how to make the ladies permed hair look like they came from the beauty parlor with some no-rinse shampoo, and a pick. I learned how to roll a 200+ pound person alone, even though I was a little over half that myself, and I could pull that same person up in bed by myself (Patients tend to slide down in the bed, and constantly need a “boost,” usually by a person on either side of the bed lifting with a sheet or pull pad) by pulling the bed down and lifting them from the top, and I could safely transfer that same person to a chair, with no help even if they couldn’t put weight on their legs. I learned that warm prune juice works like a charm for sluggish old bowels. Also, along the way, I learned how to make small talk. A tomboyish introverted bookworm, I would have described myself prior to working with sick and injured people, I had absolutely no clue how to make small talk, because it didn’t come naturally to me. Thanks to thousands upon thousands of conversations with strangers, I can talk to anyone about anything.

Most importantly I think, along the way though, I learned how to make people feel better– to make the worst day of their lives, just a little bit better. I learned to joke with the surly ones, kid the old men, agree with the confused ones, and listen to the sad ones; and I learned that this is my calling. I continued to work as a CNA for 16 years, in the same place, before finishing nursing school. The only reason it took that long, was because I loved the work so much, and didn’t want to trade the closeness I had with the patients, for paperwork and medications. Eventually  though, the lure of a higher paycheck, coupled with the annoyance I sometimes felt at some of the nurses because I knew I could be more efficient, more compassionate and less judgmental than a few of the ones I worked with at the time (those slackers are long gone, the nurses I work with now, are a wonderful group of people).

Now, I spend the majority of my days at the front desk, and I miss the time I was able to spend with my patients. 30 years ago, I worked closely with two older nurses, who had my dream job. They no longer worked as nurses, because they were past retirement age and felt that they couldn’t return to all that responsibility, so they were allowed to function as CNA’s  but with their old nurse pay. While I know this would never fly today, it seems like that would have been a nice way to ease out of the most trusted profession in the world, in the same way I entered into it; helping those, who for whatever reason, can’t help themselves and in the process helping myself.

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Grace Under Pressure

Here’s to you mom, the young and the old,

with dishes to wash, and shirts to fold.

Here’s to you mom, the rich and the poor,

the one herding everyone out the door.

Here’s to you mom, the single and married,

with lives that are full, and too often harried.

Hold on Mom, your time will come,

when there is no more work, it’ll all be fun.

So, enjoy it Grandma, now it’s all downhill,

A feast to enjoy, and never a bill.

 

Yesterday was Monday, and every other Monday during the school year, starting today, I’ll be playing mom to my six-year-old granddaughter for the afternoon. This is because my daughter and I have unusual work schedules since we both work at a hospital; she in the ER, and I work on a medical/surgical floor. She works every Monday, from 8-8, and has to rely on her father and me to pick-up Bean at school, take her to dance, and get her to bed. It turns out, that this is an exhausting afternoon for a grandmother, even a fairly energetic one like me.

it’s not that I haven’t done something like this before—my children are 27 and 21, and they both participated in a variety of sports that required numerous trips to and from school, not just after school, but before it as well…as in 4:30 am for a powerlifting program they inexplicably loved. I somehow acclimated to rising at 3:50 am, throwing on sweatpants and a hat and winter jacket (hey! This is Maine!), and sleepily driving the five miles to school, a silent teen, huddled like a turtle in it’s shell, inside a hooded sweatshirt beside me. Afternoons were more lively; sweaty, dirty and triumphant after a great game, or sometimes loaded down with friends bemoaning a loss, the afterschool task of chauffeuring my kids was always fun. I’m used to all the “running around” required of a mom with active kids—Or, at least I used to be.

“School gets out at 2:50, get there 10 minutes early, go to the office and fill out the pink sign-out sheet. Then wait in the hallway. You will have to watch and pluck her out of the herd of kids because she doesn’t always see me. Dance arrival is 3:45, her pink dance bag is in the living room. Please pack a water. Dance pick up is 5:30. Please ask her if she has homework. She should go to bed at 7:30.” My daughter is very organized, and gives explicit instructions which I appreciate, because I seem to have lost any sense of urgency that I used to employ to make sure that we were all where we were supposed to be, with clean faces and a minimum of five minutes to spare. I ran a tight ship back in the day, but now my ship is more like a pleasure cruise, and I am happy to let my daughter be the captain. She’s very good at it.

After a few clarifications, I showed up at the school and waited with the others, 3/4 of whom were moms. They’re easy to spot. Some hold coffee cups, some hold toddlers, all hold their phones, either in their hands, or stuffed into the back pocket of their jeans. They lean comfortably against the walls and chat about mom stuff, “I know! Harper always wants to watch that show,” and “I just can’t believe how fast they’re growing! My oldest just turned 15!!” The dads look uncomfortable and shuffle their feet, communication limited to a nod of sympathy to other dads, angling for a spot on the wall. I could almost hear them thinking of each other, “poor bastard, wonder how he got roped into this…” They too hold their phones, squinting fervently into the screen, which I know instantly is a ruse, because being an outsider myself, I also tried casually scrolling through my phone, so that I would feel less awkward and out-of-place, only to find to my disappointment that there was absolutely no service in that part of the school. Everyone waits for the kids to come out. Finally they do—and just as my daughter predicted, I did have to fish her out of a stream of kids. She threw her arms around my waist, and shouted ”Noni!!” She smiled a jack-o-lantern smile, while looking over her pink glasses like an adorable little librarian. French braided pig tails with loose strands springing out, and a giant backpack on her back, water bottle tucked in the side pocket, off we went, through the school doors and into the unseasonably hot September afternoon.

I can happily say that we did everything we were supposed to do (except for the shower her mother requested when she called at her dinner break; because, well, it just seemed like all too much), she had a snack, got changed for dance, got there in time, came home, had dinner, did homework, had a little tv time, brushed her teeth, read a story, and went to bed. But, because I’m a grandmother, I cheated a bit. Her snack was a cupcake from a local bakery, I let her watch YouTube videos in the car, dinner was a happymeal, and honestly, if she had whined about brushing her teeth, I’d have said, “oh well, it won’t hurt just this once!” But she didn’t.

However, even with all these shortcuts, I still found this afternoon exhausting. Usually when I’m with her, we have no agenda at all, Sure, I’ve had to pick a sick Bean up at school a few times, much to her working mom’s relief, and I’ve even taken her to an appointment or two, but usually we while away our days playing Barbies, baking, shopping, and going out to lunch.

There was a time though, when my life revolved around my children; their needs, wants and activities, and my husband and I managed it all while we worked and each went to college, and didn’t think anything of it. Not about the daycare that closed permanently one Friday afternoon, when I came to pick my daughter up, because as the daycare owner tearfully confessed, “my husband is cheating on me! I just can’t do this!” Not cleaning up vomit at 2 am, when I had to get up in 2 hours, or the battle royale faced every freaking night about homework (our daughter) and bedtime (our son). I look back now, and think, “how did we do it and not kill each other?” The answer is grace. God gives you the grace that you need for every season of your life. grace is quiet and gentle, like a soft sweater. You aren’t even aware of its presence at all, and there is only one way to know for sure that you were given grace, and that is when you look back at that time in your life and think… “How, did I do it all?” That does not mean that it’s not difficult, or that you don’t cry at night. Or nearly psychotically, endlessly, repeat Robert Frost’s “…and miles to go before I sleep” as you drive a wailing toddler to the babysitters at 5;30 in the am, both of you with blankets over your laps, and a scraper in your hand to clean the windshield of frost as you drive down the dark road because, the blower broke in your car, and you have no money to fix it.

But, I digress, clearly there is a lot of emotion left over if I  think about how hard it really was. It is difficult to be everything to someone, or several someones. It is scary to feel like your little ones future rests on your shoulders and that if you mess this up, they might end up being a bad person. It is tiring to always have to do things the right way and rarely “cheat” as I did with Bean last night. But, it is so worth it. Because someday, when you have come through that exhausting season of life, you might be the grandparent, breezing through the drive-thru, not a shred of guilt, or a morsel of remorse for that snack-time cupcake. Let me tell you, because I’ve been there, no grace is needed for this job. Hallelujah!

 

 

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All Things Work Together

In the past 48 hours, we’ve had to take two different vehicles to the mechanic’s shop for repairs. One had to be towed with a broken transmission line, and the other one needed a new alternator. We’ve also had not one, but two broken brake lines, a flat tire, and for the needle that nearly broke the haystack… the lawnmower just died. I said nearly, because guess what we did, when I called to my husband to come see the gas that he’d just put in the mower, pouring out the side? We laughed.

“Well, that’s the end of that mower,” he said, as he took off the filter and the rest of the gas dribbled out. “You can’t fix it?” He just looked at me, “Bugs… it’s done.” I knew he was right; that 100 dollar push mower has been around for years and has been used weekly to mow our two acres, as well as at times, up to three other properties. I’ve mowed more lawns with that push mower than a teenage boy, not for an allowance, but just so that I don’t have to go to the gym in the summer!

At any rate, this newest domestic annoyance, while not earth shattering, was enough to put us over the edge. In the past, we quite likely would have been bickering, blaming each other, or at the very least, bemoaning our fate and lashing out with a “Great! What else can go wrong?!?” But not today, Satan, not today. It seems the Bickersons have learned a thing or two; maybe we are finally growing up, or maybe, just maybe, we’ve learned that blessings often come on the heels of tragedy, or in this case, vexatious situations.

So, we laughed instead, and we actually could see the “bright side” of each problem…The truck could have broken down while we were away this past weekend in a place with miles and miles of dirt roads, loaded down with a four-wheeler, two bicycles and a trailer with two kayaks, and absolutely no cell phone service. We are thankful to have AAA to tow us, and we were so relieved to find out that what we thought was a bad transmission, was only a broken transmission line, which cost 183 dollars, instead of thousands. The jeep also, when it broke down was conveniently in front of the eye doctor, where my husband had a much needed appointment, and had just enough juice to get him to the shop after the appointment, although without wipers on a very rainy day. In addition, the brake line that failed, as he was driving the truck home from the shop, did not cause him to completely lose his brakes and crash into someone, and the second brake line that blew while he was repairing the first, happened in our drive way. The lawnmower? Well, that does suck, but it’s September, and we’re bound to find some clearance mower out there.

It’s all about perspective I guess. The Bible tells us to “consider it pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds.” That seems nearly sainthood level and I’m quite sure I’ll never be happy about tribulations, but I’m very thankful that both my husband and I have learned this verse, and we stand together on this promise found in Romans 8:28… “All things work together for good to them that love God.” I’m expecting a blessing after all this hassle and all these unexpected expenditures! Stay tuned…

P.S. I would be remiss if I didn’t give credit to my niece Mollie, who has written a “grateful” every night for 1,331 nights in a row, never missing one. A “grateful” is a list of things good and bad that she is thankful for that day. She emails this list, which also serves as a communication tool so that her family and friends can see where in the world this Gad-about Gladys is on that day. What I love about this is that even when bad things happen, like a nasty fall she had recently that required stitches, and several days of unaccustomed idleness to recover, she always looks for the positive, and changes the whole situation around with her perspective. She is so wise for her age, and she is right; there is always something to be grateful for.