A bone is strong, but it can break. It can break cleanly or it can splinter. It can buckle and it can be twisted. Car accidents, falls, sport injuries; many things can cause a bone to break. The effect is the same, pain so severe that it makes you want to throw up. You don’t want to look at, but you do. The site of it makes you feel worse, but confirms that there is a reason for your pain, and solidifies in your mind that you can’t fix this on your own, and that you must go to a hospital, to have a doctor fix it. At that time, whatever personal beliefs you may have for, or against Western medicine are thrown out the window. It’s unlikely that anyone could repair a serious break themselves, except maybe for a little finger fracture. Nothing can be done about that anyway, certainly nothing a little “buddy taping” with duct tape wont fix (yeah, I live in Maine, that’s how we fix things!). Most people don’t care about lack of insurance, or high co-pays if a bone is jutting out of their skin, they’ll figure that out later, and the vast majority will not delay, but go immediately to have it repaired, preferably by a specialist. In most cases, a cast is applied, mainly for protection while it heals on its own, and it will, as strange and wonderful as that is. Sometimes, the break is not clean, and surgery is required. The surgeon applies pins and screws, and the healing process is longer and more painful, but it does heal eventually. But you know what the most amazing thing about all this is? Not the fracture itself, not that you knew where to go to fix it, not that a specialist could assist in the healing process, and not that the bone essentially heals itself. The most amazing thing is that once healed, it is no more or less likely to break again than other areas. It used to be believed that the area was then stronger, but that isn’t true. It is as if it never happened. The initial pain, followed by the long crippling recovery period are eventually all but forgotten, and the whole ordeal is now an anecdote, a party story or a cautionary tale.
It occurred to me, after a trying time, that a marriage can be like a bone. It is a support, it is alive and it is strong. Pound for pound, bone is stronger than cement, just as the union of two people, is strong, but, it can break. Addictions, affairs, and unresolved issues can fracture a marriage. It might be a crack in a small bone, like a finger, that just needs some “buddy tape” and a little TLC to heal. Or, if you are together long enough, chances are there will be a fracture to a larger and more significant bone; an arm, or worse, maybe even to your femur, the strongest bone in the body. This is a bone that you have always depended on to support your weight. You’ve never given it much thought, it’s always there, and gives you no trouble. In fact, it’s never thought of at all. If that happens, mark my words, it will be thought of because it will hurt, you will feel nauseated, and the pain will keep you awake at night, and prevent you from walking during the day. Should you just cut off the limb then, to get rid of the pain? Wouldn’t it be better to have no leg at all then to have to look at how grotesquely deformed it is now? That would be painful, but it would be done and over with, and maybe you could just get a new leg, one that is no longer broken.
Some people do choose that option, and for some it is the right one, but some people choose the arduous, and painful process of healing their marriage. They have identified the break, now they need to know where to go to have someone help them fix it. Maybe a councilor, maybe a pastor, or maybe right to God himself. Either way, a “cast” is applied, or maybe “surgery” is required. It will be difficult, it will be costly, and there will be a long period of recovery. But just as a desperation to fix this situation occurs with a broken bone, so too is the desperation to fix a fractured marriage. It doesn’t matter how much it costs, or how long or takes, as long as each day there is some improvement. There will be set backs, but it’s the trajectory that’s important. After all, the goal is to be made whole and well again, something that is a foregone conclusion, if you are in it for the long haul. To be able to run and jump with no fears of a future break because it as strong as it was before? That is the prize, plus now you have an anecdote, a party story and a cautionary tale to tell, and you also have each other.
