Tag: fun

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Dance then.

Posted on by Susannah Warner

My husband and I went to the hospital’s annual Christmas dance last night. We both love to dance, and we never miss it. He’s more free-spirited, as I have a tendency to get embarrassed easily if I feel like I’m not strictly adhering to social norms. But, I love to dance so I’ve never let my awkwardness get in the way. Although anyone who has seen my husband dance, must realize that it’s a pretty tall order to nonchalantly move to your own beat while he’s two-stepping, doing a Russian squat dance, a half split, or as he did last night, spinning himself so enthusiastically that he falls on the floor. He’s actually a really good dancer, not because he’s taken lessons, as our granddaughter does, but because he just listens to the music and allows his body to move with it. His lack of  extreme self-awareness that many anxious people have, allows him to trust his body to move with the beat, something that even toddlers can do, because they have no inhibitions. For the rest of us, who sometimes feel a little awkward but do it anyway because it’s so much fun, I think it’s a good thing to practice being less concerned with what the masses think; because really, we all look a little silly at a dance, the watchers and the dancers both, so my thought is, I might as well dance.

However, it did occur to me as I was out on the dance floor, literally jumping up and down while doing the arm motions to YMCA, that I must look ridiculous. But a second later, I thought, “who cares? I’m having fun!” Having fun as an adult is not as easy as it was when I was a kid. Everything was fun then… well, a lot of things were. I laughed a lot, even at the silliest things. I would have thought that maybe it was the amnesia of time that made my childhood seem like so much fun, except for our granddaughter. She laughs all the time, mainly at slapstick comedy and things that adults no longer find funny, because by the time you’ve been on this earth for nearly half a century, fun and laughter are as precious a commodity as a good night’s sleep. It is something we as adults arrange, rather than spontaneously enjoy. We plan vacations, and day trips, excursions and experiences, all in the pursuit of fun. So, when it sneaks up on you at work, or with your friends, or your spouse, and you get that kind of unworldly experience of time standing still for a second, and you can almost see yourself as others are seeing you, laughing and having pure, childlike fun, it’s remarkable. “I’m having fun” you might think, almost in surprise. I found myself thinking that even after my husband fell on the floor. I could see the watchers watching, and for a second I was embarrassed, but then I wasn’t. I laughed, and so did he. I don’t know what the watchers did after that, because I stopped looking at them looking at us.

I’m sure that there are many different reasons why the watchers are watching. It might be because they don’t like to dance, or they don’t think they can do it well, or maybe they have had an injury preventing them from dancing or maybe they just prefer to be on the sidelines. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with that, and the fact that the watchers are watching, and not looking away, or getting up and leaving in disgust, and that they attended a dance in the first place, means that there is something about dancing that they are drawn to.

The dancers are just out there. They may have been half-dragged there by a spouse, or they might have gone willingly. They might be just swaying, and feeling awkward, and thinking that the watchers are watching and judging. They might have gotten caught up in the music, or they just might be all-in, and all-out while not having a care in the world even when they fall down, like my husband.

If the watchers are truly happy watching, then that is good, but if there is even a small part of that person, wishing that they could be as carefree as some, and not worry about what other people think, then the next time there is an opportunity, the watchers should dance.

Why? Because most people are too busy with their own concerns and fears to judge yours. It is the paradox of insecurity to feel unable to measure up, while assuming that people care enough about you to measure you. You know what? No one cares. Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to worry about what you’re doing. The dancers are not judging because they are too busy having fun. And if there are a few poor souls who feel the need to judge, then they will judge you if you sit out, or if you dance…so you might as well dance, even if you fall.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Look up

Posted on by Susannah Warner

I’d planned on having a cook-out, since it was such a beautiful day, and also hang out another load of laundry. I loaded the washer and turned the stove on to heat water to make pasta salad, then sat down to write. I had barely started, a nagging headache making it all but impossible to think, let alone write, when my husband breezed in, full of sunshine and good cheer. “I think I’ll take the wheeler out, but I’ll be back in time, to kayak with you at sunset,” he said, kissing my forehead.  I barely listened at first, but then looked up, and saw his excited face, along with the blue sky and cotton ball clouds over his shoulder, out the window. “I’ll go,” I said, shutting my laptop and turning off the now almost boiling water. He looked up in surprise, and said, “You want to? Great! I’d love to have you come!” We went into a familiar mode. I got changed into old jeans, anticipating a muddy ride and packed a backpack, which included more ibuprofen for my head. He loaded the truck and secured everything down.

And so, away we went, bumping along in the truck, causing my head to pound now, instead of just ache. Arriving at our drop off, he unloaded while I put the back pack on and started to regret the unfamiliar burst of spontaneity that made me blurt out that I’d come. “Really,” I thought, “I should have just stayed inside and wrote, that way I could lie down if my headache got worse.” Too late now, I gamely hopped on the back of the four-wheeler and we sped off, the wind in my face, my hat almost blowing off my head and tiny bug bullets pelting my cheeks. I smiled, I couldn’t help it. Being outside always makes me happy, but wind in my hair, sun on my back and a little jolt of dopamine always makes me laugh. And then there’s the smell.

Oh, how I love the smell of the Maine woods in June. It smells like hope and it is my very favorite smell. It cannot be bottled and it cannot be synthetically recreated. You have to get out there and experience it to know what I mean. It comes in wafts; sometimes you run into an invisible cloud of it, and then it is gone, only to return minutes later. Inhaling deeply, I realized the pain was gone; nature had cured my achy head, but it did something else too. Somewhere between leaping from rock to rock, listening to the water fall, and throwing my head back to admire the canopy made by the towering trees, I became thankful for looking up from my “work” to see what was waiting for me.

The first half of my life has been governed by rules, should’s and shouldn’ts and things that I have to do. While some of these things, like my job, will be necessary for a long time, that does not mean that I can’t just stop once and awhile and appreciate all that this world has to offer. God wants us to be happy, he loves to see us having fun and enjoying  the earth that he created just for us. I’m sure it makes him sad to see us inside on a beautiful day, following self-imposed rules about cleaning or other chores. These things have to be done, sure. but I think we need to cut ourselves a little slack once in a while and go out and have some fun. I’m planning on doing more and more of that with whatever time on this earth that I have been given. I know that I will never wish I’d spent more time at work, or cleaned my house more when I’m on my deathbed. I plan to make good use of my time here,by enjoying it with those I love. Sometimes you just have to look up, get up and enjoy life. For me, fun is exploring the woods of Maine and it’s also being on the water, which we did right after we were finished exploring.

The river was calm; not a ripple except for the occasional fish jumping, when we put our kayaks in, and paddled upriver. The calmness of the water, reflected how I felt; content, happy and serene, my headache just a memory. We stopped paddling after a while and tied our kayaks together. Leaning back, our oars at our sides, we allowed the current to let us drift back to the boat landing. We didn’t fight the direction, we just enjoyed the ride, the view and each other; and literally sailed off into the sunset.