Tag: life

Posted in Life, Love, marriage, Uncategorized

Tulips and Off-road Diesel

Posted on by Susannah Warner

“What are you thinking about?” I asked my husband, as we were driving home last summer after a day of playing outside in the Maine woods. Full of sunshine and fresh air, our bodies were comfortably heavy while our minds were clear, and we’d both been quiet on our way home from a trip “up-north.” But after 15 minutes of daydreaming, I was suddenly curious to know what he was seeing in his mind’s eye. “Off-road diesel,” he answered immediately, eyes still on the road. I turned my head to him as I laughed out loud, and a slow smile spread over his face as he slid his eyes in my direction. “What?” he asked shrugging, as confused by my reaction as he was pleased to hear me laugh. “Want to know what I was just thinking about?” I asked, and continued before he could answer, “I was thinking about tulips!” We both laughed then, mostly I think, about how different we are.

We fell silent again, and still a few miles from home, I had time to reflect on our differences, as I thought about the day we’d just spent together. We’d rode the four-wheeler on some old logging roads, stopping occasionally when one of us would spot something worth investigating up close. Sometimes, it would be a stream with large rocks as our only bridge to the other side, and he’d insist on going first to make sure the rocks were stable enough to land on, then turn back to offer me a steadying hand. Sometimes, one of us would spot the ruins of an old farmhouse foundation and since we both love a good treasure hunt, we’d stop and dig through piles of broken glass, hoping to unearth an unbroken antique bottle. And if I found one, he’d insist on pulling it out of the ground so I wouldn’t cut myself. I thought about the preparations necessary to even go on such an adventure, involving ramps and ratchet straps, tire plug kits and portable battery chargers, all things I rarely even mention, let alone ever, in a million years use. He knows about things that I don’t know about, he knows about off-road diesel.

But, he knows about tulips too; he can plant them, tend them, cut them, surprise me with them, and arrange them. He also knows how to build a house, sell it, and clean it. He can catch a meal, and cook it. I’ve also seen him sew (cloth, and on one memorable occasion when we were young and poor, his own hand! It worked!). He can walk around patting a colicky baby’s back for hours and make the best omelettes ever. He knows how to do things, but I know how to express things.

I can turn a conversation into a story, a memory into a paragraph. I can remember what was said, when we said it, where we were standing and sometimes, what we were wearing (although I’m quite confident that this whole statement will garner an objection from my husband when I read this post to him!). I can remember how I felt, imagine how someone else felt and put it down on paper. But I don’t know anything know about off-road diesel, I thought to myself, suddenly feeling panicky. A quick google search just as we pulled into the driveway reassured me I actually did know what that was, I just didn’t know I did. Just as there are things that I bring to our relationship that I might not know, I bet he knows, as I know the things he brings.

We are as differently shaped as two pieces to a jigsaw puzzle. Our outer edges don’t match up and trying to fit those parts together would never work, there would be nothing to hold the two pieces together. But, the inside pieces fit perfectly and easily. The colors, although slightly different, compliment each other so that when they are joined, become one. Both of us a small part of the big picture, just as God intended us to be.

Last night I was in bed when I realized that my lips felt uncomfortably dry and I found myself in the ultimate first-world conundrum – I felt desperate for some relief for my lips, but I was already cozy and perfectly positioned for a good night’s sleep and didn’t want to get up. Just when I thought I’d actually have to get out of bed, my hero arrived, and in the nick of time. He had come upstairs to give me a goodnight kiss but I seized the opportunity and asked him to grab me “some lip stuff” from my bathroom. “It’s to the right of the sink,” I reassured him as a look of uncertainty flashed across his face since he rarely goes in my bathroom. I could hear him rummaging through lipsticks, lip glosses, lip-stains, pencils, chap-stick and two lip balms, yet he emerged victoriously a few seconds later. “You use this little tub thing at night, right?” he said handing it to me with a smile on his face. “Yeah, I do.” I said as I reached up for it, smiling back at him, while inside I thought, “tulips.”

Posted in Life, Love, marriage

Light (A Dystopian Fairy Tale)

Posted on by Susannah Warner

Once upon a time, in a land not too far away…

The land was dusty and dry, the sky red. They marched together, down a straight path toward a destination only their spirits knew. They knew they must keep moving toward the great light ahead. It’s purity beckoned them forward and they were pulled like magnets toward it’s sweet promise of rest and beauty. They knew this barren land was not their home; there was little comfort there. Instinctively they knew that they must not deviate, they must not let go, they must march together, and they must stay on the path.

They were focused and determined at first. Their faces were set toward the light and they broke their intense gaze only occasionally, and only to turn to each other to exchange a sweet smile of encouragement. Her gown was gauzy and light, and blew behind her as she walked. Her feet were bare, and her step was light. She wore a backpack stuffed full of joy, hope and devotion. And sometimes she was so happy she skipped like a child, while he smiled fondly and indulgently at her. His boots were sturdy and he was dressed for battle. He had pockets where he kept his weapons and a canteen on his hip. He had a backpack too; it was chock full of love, loyalty, and protection. His hands were rough, but held hers gently.

They were not tired, they were not thirsty. They had each other and they were sure of their mission, although they did not know what they would find when they got there. And although the weather had been calm, a sudden gust of wind tugged at her dress, and threatened to pull her way, but his grip on her tightened and her feet come back to the dusty earth. She smiled up at at him, unaware that a bit of joy had spilled out of her bag. He smiled back, but a creeping vine reached out and wrapped around his foot, nearly tripping him. He stumbled, and nearly fell, but her small hand gave him just enough stability to right himself, although when he did, a little love leaked out of the side of his backpack. Unaware of what they’d lost, they smiled at each other and marched on, but not before they stopped to pick up two beautiful pebbles as keepsakes.

They pressed on, although they were wary now as they saw it was not as easy as they had initially thought. For the first time, her gaze swept from side to side, instead of looking straight ahead at the light. She was looking for danger and she found it, although to her, it was not scary at all. It looked like a puppy floundering in a pond just off the path to her right. She started to pull away from him, and go off the path to help the pitiful thing, but he held fast. He did not see a puppy, he saw a wolf, and it was not in distress, it was nashing it’s teeth as she strained to go rescue it. He pulled her back, a little more roughly than he’d meant to, before she could go any closer, and together they continued, a trail of joy and hope staining the ground behind her, while loyality and protection ran down his leg and out of his boot. And although angry with each other, they both stopped at the same time to collect more beautiful pebbles scattered in front of them.

They continued on, but they were beginning to feel weighted down. Her feet were not as light as they once were, and she had no energy to skip. His feet felt hot and heavy, and he did not smile at her. Even her dress hung limply around her ankles and they were both vaguely aware that the pebbles they had collected were beginning to feel heavy, while the reassuring weight they’d always felt in their backs was uncomfortably light. Trudging on toward the light, following the path set before them, they heard a sound behind them, bearing down on them like a freight train.

They turned to look, hands still clasped and saw that it was a tornado, far away still, but coming closer. Still looking over their shoulders, they saw the dry earth and tumbleweeds rise up to join the swirling air, which sucked everything in like a vacuum. The cyclone devoured the sky and obscured the light, and it was headed straight down the path and right for them.

She wanted to run, but her burdens were too heavy, he wanted to fight it, but his arms were full. It was coming closer, following their path and threatening to suck them both up. They realized that the only way to be safe was to leave the path, break apart, and dive to safety, each on their own sides. They took one final look at each other, as the noise from behind them became deafening, her hair and dress swirled around her as they nodded to each other that it was time to let go and save themselves.

But the wind that was threatening to blow them apart had also stirred the earth stained with hope, joy, devotion, protection, loyalty and love. The letters swirled around, becoming words, words became meaning and meaning became feeling. Her gifts were all mixed up with his, and showered down on them both, until it became theirs. And the power that tried to carry them away, had instead blown away the once beautiful pebbles, which had become ugly rocks over the years. Resentment, anger, hurt and sadness were wrestled from their arms, instantly swirling above their heads and sucked up in the abyss behind and over them.

Lighter than they’d felt in years, they looked at each other, hands still clasped, and saw that they were infused with each others strengths. No longer afraid, they laughed and started running together, wind nipping at their heels, kicking up a cloud of dust behind them that was absorbed into the whirlwind chasing them. It followed them the whole way, but did not devour them, because love covered them like a shield. It felt good to run together, unencumbered and free. His boots supported him, and her bare feet flew as her dress and hair fluttered behind her. They did not leave the path, they did not stop, until breathless and laughing, they finally reached the light.

He was waiting for them at the end of the path, glowing as the light behind Him spilled out around Him. They stopped short and looked up at Him. He was spotless and beautiful and smiling at them both. Their smiles faded as they looked down and saw that they were both shamefully filthy. Her dress was torn and her feet were dirty. His boots were covered in dust and his face had dirt smudges on it. They were suddenly embarrassed to show up at such a perfect place this way. Together they turned to leave. But He put a hand on their shoulders and kindly said, “what is in your backpacks?”

They were so used to carrying them, and they had gotten so light that they’d forgotten them. They slipped them off their shoulders and unzipped them and inside, much to their surprise, they found new clothes, without spot or rip. “They are for you, “ He said. “I’m giving them to you so that you can come with me.” They were stunned, and grateful. He turned and beckoned them to follow Him. She was suddenly happy, so happy that she skipped through the doors, behind Him, light as a feather in her spotless clothes. He smiled at her fondly as he dropped the dirty backpack at the doorway and entered too.

And they truly, lived happily ever after. The end.

Posted in Uncategorized

Ever In Your Favor

Posted on by Susannah Warner

Last night, after a satisfying meal of lasagna and ice cream, my husband turned on the TV, and flipped through the channels. He surfed for a bit, landing briefly on one show, then skipped to another during the commercial, as he often does; a practice that drives me crazy, as I would prefer to sit through a bunch of commercials rather than have my attention divided by three shows at one time and risk missing some of the show that I really wanted to watch. Fortunately, between DVR, Netflix, Amazon Prime, and HULU, we rarely watch live TV, so this is not usually a problem. One might think given all the opportunities listed for entertainment, that we watch a lot, but the truth is with the exception of a few reality shows (Survivor! Amazing Race! and embarrassingly, Big Brother), and an occasional movie, usually several years old by the time we get to it, we rarely watch TV at all. Certainly not in the daytime, and depending on our schedules, sometimes days go by without either one of us turning it on, since we are both of the opinion that we’d rather do something fun, then sit and watch someone else have it. This is pretty much the same reason that I refused to be a cheerleader growing up, because I never wanted to just watch the action and cheer for someone else, I wanted to get out there and have someone cheer for me.

In any event, we somehow settled on The Hunger Games, a movie I’d seen on at least two other occasions as well having read the series several years ago; a literary fad sitting squarely between the innocent Twilight series, and the grownup 50 Shades of Grey, which I could not get into because of the shocking lack of attention to detail as evidenced by the way-off base use of adjectives and verbs in a supposedly American setting (brilliant, keen…seriously?!? I don’t know any person around here who says those things!). Why not just set it in Britain then, a country whose vernacular it’s author is clearly more familiar with. Even the “Grey” in the title is the more widely used UK version. C’mon! Obvious faux pas such as these, drive me bonkers, and ruin the whole book for me, often within the first chapter and is something I consider to be a turn-off, rather than the turn-on the author intended (but, grammarly and smart people, please don’t judge me as harshly, for I am but a lowly nurse blogger with no editor and no matter how many times my super-intelligent sister tells me, I always forget the proper usage of colons and semi-colons and let’s not even get started with how many times I end a sentence with a preposition and those run-on sentences! Ugh! Sorry, Mom!).

But, I have digressed into a weird off the wall rant, so sorry about that. I had a direction for this post and it was this…Ah yes! My comparison of Hunger Games to life…. stay with me on this. My husband and I watched a bunch of normalish, albeit extra good-looking people, face an onslaught of obstacles, with only a brief rest before another attack commenced, all while also fending off other competitors in attempt to win the right to stay alive to fight another day. Although this may seem a bit far-fetched, I couldn’t help but compare the tribulations the characters faced with the trials we all face daily. Sometimes it does seem as if you’ve barely recovered from one set-back, such as costly repairs to a vehicle, when another punch lands right in your pocketbook. Add on sick kids, frozen pipes or a daycare that has inexplicably closed for the day, and it’s enough to make you inadvertently turn against your strongest allies. “Remember who the real enemy is,” one of the competitors in the game said, as the heroine froze, bow poised in a moment of fear and confusion to shoot him. And she did. She did remember before she hurt him and turned instead to aim at the true enemy.

It’s so easy to turn on the ones we love and lash out at them, although they’re there to help. At the risk of sounding cheesy, we are all playing a version of the Hunger Games, and in this game called life, with its twists and turns, its setbacks and frustrations, we must remember who our allies are, and who the real enemy is. It’s not the guy who channel hops like a bunny, and who never gets back to the real show on time, and it’s definitely not the guy who hand shredded three big blocks of cheese for the lasagna and washed a mountain of dishes after. This is my ally, my biggest fan, and the one who has my back, just like my big brother Jesus. Because lets face it, it’s impossible for the odds to always be in our favor, so I’m pretty happy that I’m always in His.

Posted in Uncategorized

Reinvention

Posted on by Susannah Warner

This is my husband. He’s leaving for his first day on a new job. He’s 53 years old. Think you can’t start over? Think you can’t reinvent yourself? Think again…

My husband has had many jobs in his lifetime, and more than one career. He’s been a cook, a carpenter, and a soldier. He’s delivered pizzas, made sandwiches, done physical therapy, and worked in factories. He’s built bridges, and houses, and did asbestos abatement in paper mills. He has degrees in culinary arts, and physical therapy. He’s worked outside when it’s 20 below zero, and crawled in boilers where the temperature was 120, He was unstoppable until a diagnosis of bipolar brought us both to our knees and a halt to a consistent paycheck. For a time, it seemed there was no way around this mountain. But, there was a way, and he found it. How? He adapted and he evolved.

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” George Bernard Shaw

Darwin’s theory of evolution in part presumes that complex creatures evolve from more simplistic ancestors, and through a process called natural selection, a species adapts to its environment, while the less beneficial attributes are not passed on. At least that’s that’s how my scientific-shy little mind breaks it down (yeah, you can school me if I’m wrong!). If this is true in the large evolutionary scheme of things, wouldn’t it be the same in our day-to-day lives? I know it is for my husband, and I know it can be true for you, if you want.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.” Charles Darwin

Don’t just accept the fact that you are what you are. You can change, you can grow. It is not too late to learn. Never be complacent in where you are in life. That is not to say that you shouldn’t enjoy each stage of your life, but that’s all it is; a stage. It will change. Just as you once thought you’d never grow up, you did. And maybe as a young mom, you feel that children will always be hanging off of you, but they won’t. Maybe you feel that you’re stuck in this dead-end job forever. But, you’re not. Get ready. Things will change, and you must change too. Be prepared to evolve and adapt, or you will begin the slow process of death.

”When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.” Benjamin Franklin

If where you are now, is not the dream you had for yourself when you were 7, don’t despair, don’t give up. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t change your life. Don’t get stuck in a monotonous rut. Remember the passion you had as a kid? Ok, so maybe you won’t be a professional athlete, an actress, or a veterinarian as you thought when you were little. But, you did fantasize about being more than what you were at the time, and that’s where it begins. Rekindle that excitement, then put that energy in to change, no matter how small.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates

My husband has always been unable to sit still (what a blessing and curse ADHD can be!). He is always moving and loves to learn. He loves to help people, and he loves to talk. He hates the 9-5 life, and being inside all the time. Combine all these attributes with a carpentry background of 35 years, and it made perfect sense for him to become a real estate agent. He has succeeded by turning all the turmoil and strife of his childhood and the challenges of young adulthood into a passion and energy that allows him to continually evolve into the best person he can be. He has used all of the trials in his life as building blocks, not roadblocks. Sure, it’s not easy, and it has taken a long time. He’s a card-carrying member of AARP and needs daily medication to keep going, but if age, mental illness, and a very rocky start to life haven’t stopped him, why should it stop you? You’ve got all the tools you need to reinvent yourself if you want to; you just have to want to.

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”  C.S. Lewis