I love my children. Let me just make that clear right off the bat. I loved it when they were babies and their eyes tracked me wherever I went. I loved it when they learned to walk and wobbled their way across the room, and lurched straight into my arms. I loved it when they were preschoolers and asked “why?” and followed me everywhere, even to the bathroom. I loved it when they were in school and brought their friends home, and I made meals for them, and they all slept over. I loved when they were in High School and I could chat and gossip with their friends, even when my kids were at work, or still sleeping, and I loved going to games, meets and competitions. I even loved crying secretly at their graduations, just as I cried openly the first time they climbed on the school bus. Those days are behind me now, and all I can say is…. “Thank God!!”
My husband and I are empty-nesters! Well, kind of; our adult son still lives at home, while he saves for a home of his own. But, he works a lot, and is often out with his friends, and he helps with the bills, so he feels more like a friendly boarder than our kid. A friendly boarder who just now while I’m typing away, sitting on a swing on our back deck, thoughtfully brought me a slice of pizza and a wad of paper towels to soak up the greasy goodness. Pizza that I did not have to buy, or even think about buying, because he takes care of his own meals. Plus he makes the coffee in the morning, does a lot of the yard work, and he watches Shameless, The Office and Seinfeld with me, so having him here is a pleasure.
This means that my husband and I are free to do whatever we want, when we want. I can’t tell you how fun that is! Maybe it’s because I’ve been at this Mother thing for a long time; almost 27 years actually. And since we watched our granddaughter while her mom was at work for the first four years of her life, we were tied down even after our own kids were adults. We loved that “job,” but now that she is old enough for school, we are officially retired from childcare and have her when we want, like grandparents do.
This newly found freedom has led to many adventures for us already. We’ve started to travel, real travel, which requires a passport and long arduous airplane rides. We go four-wheeling, kayaking, jeeping and walking on a daily basis, and plan adventures for our selves. like zip-lining and skydiving (He’s addicted, me…not so much!). On my days off, four a week for me, because I am a nurse, we go to bed when we want and get up when we want. We can take naps, and our housework is minimal because we have no more mini tornados leaving a trail of destruction. In short, life is good right now; easy, selfish and relatively carefree.
I can see why this might be hard for some people, women in particular I think, because our identities are so wrapped up in our children. We are “Mom,” and that’s how we think of ourselves. I remember when my son went to kindergarten, those first few times of grocery shopping with out him, I felt so unmoored and anonymous. I had been taking a little one shopping with me for 11 years, actually my whole adult life, and without one or both of my children with me, I felt like a nobody; a nameless woman perusing the aisles. But, I got over that pretty quickly when I realized how fast I could get it done, and I spent far less without cute little faces imploring me to buy sugary cereals for the prize inside (side note: what happened to the prizes in cereal anyway?).
Suddenly, being a mom was not first and foremost in my life. Being a mother has been my most important job, and the one I’m most proud of. I poured my heart and soul into my children. I spent all my free time with them when the were growing up, and I’m proud to say, for the most part I wouldn’t change a thing about the way I raised them. I remember even in my early 20’s thinking, “I don’t want to regret anything, and I don’t want them to ever wish that I would have spent more time with them.” I’m thankful that I had the wisdom at that young age to live for them, instead of for me, because now that they are adults, I can live for myself without guilt. And because my husband and I invested so much time into them when they were little, now they want to spend time with us, which is great. Except for sometimes, but that’s OK because believe me, I have no qualms about saying, “your father and I want to be alone.” Woot! Woot!
