My husband turned 53 two days ago, and our daughter 27. They were born on the same day, and although my mother-in-law crowed at the time it was same hour, it turns out that was a bit of an exaggeration, according to his birth certificate. But, both were born in the wee hours of the morning, on August 19th, so that’s close enough. My mother-in-law’s amplifications notwithstanding, it is pretty cool that 50% of my little family was born on this day, and even more impressive is the attitude that my husband has about his age; which he basically ignores, or in the wise words of Mark Twain, “age is a case of mind over matter, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
He didn’t get this attitude from his father. That man was one of those people who lamented constantly about being old when he was but a young pup of 60. I can say that he was young because after 3 decades of caring for the elderly, I really don’t consider anyone “old” until they are in their 90’s. Even then, there are still those vibrant nonagenarians, who although might move a little slower than they would like, have the mind and attitude of a young person, so to me they seem no older than 50. Conversely. I have seen people in their 40’s and 50’s, moan and carry on about being old (!?!?!), which tends to makes me agree with them. To be fair, some have serious mental and/or physical problems but I can’t help but wonder which came first, the ailment or the attitude?
I’ve decided that I want to be just like my husband’s uncle, whom I recently met, and instantly liked. He and Aunt Carolynn, are “snowbirds,” at least that’s what they are called in our area, which means they live in Florida, but spend summers up north, which in this case, is upstate New York along the St. Lawrence river. His only complaint about living in Florida is that there isn’t enough to do. He doesn’t mean recreationally, as no doubt there are a myriad of ways to relax, including five hours long Bingo games, which Aunt Carolynn enjoys, but he eschews… “I can’t sit that long! I’m only good for about two hours.” He is talking about puttering around the house: fixing, repairing and maintaining a home inside and outside which are all things that have kept him active and fit as a fiddle. “I like to keep busy,” he explained, as we sat on the back deck, watching the ships cruise by on the river while enjoying a cup of coffee. I told him that I always ask my 90-year-old patients about their longevity secrets. Was it proper nutrition, working out, or maybe getting 8 hours of sleep every night that helped them live so long? Nope, they all have said the same thing…”I always kept busy.” That’s it. Not one of them said, “I took time to pamper myself,” or, “every day I would lie on the couch, watch The Price is Right, and eat potato chips.” Nope, according to these “old people,” all they did was keep moving. And so does Uncle Charlie, a man who, by his own admission, once smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day, but now has a perpetual cup of coffee in his hand. “You traded in three packs, for three pots!” I joked with him.
I’m thankful to have many “busy” role models in my life. My stepfather Jake, who could easily be sidelined, as most are, by an advancing case of COPD, not to mention four prior heart attacks, always answers “excellent!” when asked how he is, and he never stops working. My mother too, a retired nurse, always keeps busy; swimming with her friends, going to prayer meetings most mornings, baking and puttering around the house (Mom! I know just what you’re going to say here…”Ohhh, I spend a lot of time reading on the couch, and I like to take a nap every afternoon.”…What she doesn’t realize is that if you were truly a lazy person, the whole day would be spent on leisure pursuits, not just a couple of hours in the afternoon). My husband too, always keeps moving. He is something of a natural due to the fact that he has ADHD, and restless leg syndrome, so awake and even sound asleep, he always moves. Anyone who lives with someone with ADHD, is well aware of the downfalls, but here is one of the benefits! He likes to work (by work, I mean carpentry, or any other physical task that involves a lot of swearing and sweating), hike, walk, climb, jump out of airplanes, kayak… basically anything that propels him forward, or in the case of skydiving, hurdles him downward. The proverb, “a rolling stone gathers no moss,” would be an accurate description of the way he lives his life, and maybe it is the same for those 90-year-old patients I’ve talked to, as well as Uncle Charlie, who will soon be an Octogenarian himself, but I’m convinced it’s also a mental game as well.
I suppose you could argue that a busy person doesn’t have time to think about how old they are, and that is true, but what makes someone refuse to grow old gracefully, and instead choose to fight it every step of the way? Maybe it’s a love of life, maybe it’s a positive attitude, or maybe it’s a stubborn streak, a refusal to give in, or give up. Either way, I’ve learned that if I’m going to ponder these mysteries, and other deeper philosophical subjects, I had better do it while I’m moving my body in some form or fashion. I want to be like Uncle Charlie when I grow up and say, as he did to me… “I went to a high school reunion recently, and it was just a bunch of old people.” I guess it’s really true that age is just a number, thank you for that reminder, Uncle Charlie, and thank you to my husband, that AARP card-carrying grandfather, who thinks, acts, and looks young; therefore he is young.
