There’s a saying that my nephew and I both particularly despise, we discovered one boozy, confession laden, rainy afternoon when he was in Maine for a visit. Actually, I’m sure we are not the only ones who dislike it. It goes something like, “shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll end up among the stars.” Its one of those cliches that seems so smarmy that it’s embarrassing in its cheesiness. It gives me an internal squirm, every time I hear it, as well as other disingenuous quotes like it. The kinds of quotes, plastered on the walls of a high school guidance counselor’s office, or a family planning facility, anywhere that there are cement walls painted a hopeless color of greige. You know, the gag-worthy ones with the kitten dangling from a tree limb, “hang in there” emblazoned across the poor things chest, or the rainbow with the oily commandment to “look through the rain to see the rainbow.” For awhile, my nephew and I would text them to each other and groan at the ridiculousness, until I looked at Pinterest quotes so often, I started stumbling on ones that I actually love; advice from Tolstoy, The Bible, Hemingway and Fitzgerald. I never really expected to identify with a cliche, although admittedly, it’s a cliche for a reason, nor did I expect to gain inspiration from another lazy, rainy afternoon at home.
Today, my husband and I found ourselves at odds; I had a day off from work, and no grandmother obligations to fulfill, and he could not do the work he needed to do outside because it was too wet. Thus, we did something we never do; we watched a movie in the daytime together, and without a shred of guilt. The movie I picked, was “The Glass Castle.” I’ve read the book, and I had already seen the movie with my mother, and both times, I thought to myself, that my husband’s formative years, would make an excellent memoir, similar in it’s dysfunction to that story, which is why I’d thought he might like the movie, and he did. To me, it was as touching as before, but this time I found myself struggling not to cry, my throat aching and tears welling up in my eyes, not so much because of the story, but because of the message I’d missed before. The message to me today was clear; try, just try.
I’m not much of a trier. I prefer to be good at things right away, and then I like to stick with them. This is why I’ve worked in the same place for 30 years, I’ve lived in my home for 19 years, and I have been married to the same man for 27. There’s nothing wrong with sticking with something, and I’m certainly not about to change any of the things that I’m already committed to. But, I’m feeling like I should try out something new, good at it or not. I’ve been plugging away at my little blog for a year and a half now, and this has been a good opportunity to try something I’ve loved to do since I was little, even though I have no idea if I’m good at it or not, it’s just something I need to do, I have to get out. I’m really not sure if it’s a mid-life crisis thing or not, but lately I’ve been dissatisfied with just getting by, which has pretty much been my life’s motto, especially where academia was concerned. I’m feeling like I want to stretch a little, out of the comfy little corner I’ve painted myself into. Oh, I still want my job, my house and especially my husband, family and friends in that corner, but I’m wondering if there just might be a little more out there for me. I think it might be called growing pains, although I’m not sure if that’s what it is, or if it’s actually a calling of some sort.
I’ve always admired people who just jump in and try new things, I’ve never felt comfortable doing that, because if I did try and failed, it would feel like a weakness, which is curious that I would feel that way, because I’ve never felt that way about other people who try something and it doesn’t work out. I’ve always studied the way someone handles defeat; whether they shrug their shoulders like, “oh well, at least I tried,” or did they wipe away furious tears because they wanted it so badly and set their faces to try again. I’ve always appreciated both attitudes, one for its easygoingness and one for its grit and determination. It funny to think that what I admire in others, I think of as a weakness for myself. Or, at least I used to.
I think that at this point in my life, I’m ready to try some new things. I’ve realized lately that life is too short to not follow your dreams. I may fail, I might not get very far, I might shrug and say “oh well,” or I might be determined to try again, but at the end of my life, I won’t wonder what could have been if I had been brave enough to just try. I don’t know if I will get to the moon, but at least I know, I’ll land among the stars….I’m sorry Matt! I just had to end it that way! I hope you all have inspirational music in your heads right now too. Also, if you do, please picture me walking into the sunset with my hands raised triumphantly, as the credits roll. Thank you, and thanks for reading. Please stay tuned.
